life under tyranny

Just as practice I want to start communicating with people sub rosa. Communicate with friends through dead drops, codes, just to clear out the cobwebs. 

good

Told my wife once that I'm a bad person doing good in the world. That confused her but I let the matter drop. I didn't say that if I was a good person, we wouldn't be in a sexless marriage. I don't think she'd want to have that conversation. I think she's quite comfortable with how things are now. 

And the thing is, I did end up a pretty good person. I am doing good, and often where it counts. But I'm not who I wanted to be. I want to be wanted. As a man. As a sexual being. And I'm just not. That's not who I will get to be and I just don't know how to accept this. 

joe camel

Elon Musk is the Joe Camel of nazism in the democratic West. 'You should definitely smoke cigarettes, your parents don't want you to.' They've made fascism seem rebellious, outlaw, transgressive, fun. Troll culture is very juvenile. And American culture is short on adults. The Democratic brand is timid, overly careful, afraid of it's own shadow. They (I was) were terrified of Bernie Sanders. And his recklessness was the accurate fit for today's culture. But now he's ten years older. 

We need a younger, charming lunatic. And how do we make liberalism seem rebellious again? 

broken

I totally get the desire to stay broken. You want to honor it. Mark it. Everybody wants to not see it. They got shit they need you to do. 

Also, why fix it back up when the shit fell apart all these times. 

the only way out is through

For nine years the good people of the United States, and indeed the world has been trying to avoid or throw off donald trump. Now the bastard has been reelected president. Enough of the American people are that bad or that ignorant. 

We will have to fight him, fight them. Resist and push back. In secret, in code, in jest, in darkness and in daylight.